Lindsay Lohan | 'Spirit In The Dark' Album Cover (November 4th 2008)

Lindsay Lohan | OK! Weekly Cover Girl (October 2008)

Untold Love Story: I Love Pussy!
So half of me wants to be happy for Lindsay. She has finally found someone to make her happy and stay on the right path (i.e. NOT getting shit-faced drunk every night and flashing her "fire crotch"). But I just have this gnawing feeling that this whole "relationship/is she? or isn't she? thing" is all just a sham-another publicity stunt-a "Fuck You" to the paps who have ruined her career (in her eyes). Was this a prank that had gone too far? I feel sorry for Samantha, because I believe she truly has feelings for Lindsay. Hopefully this is the real deal.

Labor Pains | Movie Teaser Poster (2009)

Lindsay Lohan-New York Cover Skank (Feb 25th 2008)

How her star has fallen! Lohan looks like SHIT in these pics. The bags under her eyes are just as big as the bags on her chest. Lohan is NO Marilyn Monroe!

Lindsay Lohan-Bazaar Cover Girl (March 2008)

Much better! Lindsay looks great-but is she sober?

Lindsay Lohan-UK Glamour Cover Girl (March 2008)

She does not look so glamourous to me- "Lick my pit"

I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

There are two sides to every crime.

Synopsis:

Aubrey Fleming (Lindsay Lohan) was living the small town life, until the day she was abducted by a sadistic killer. After a frantic search, Aubrey turns up alive, but changed. She is missing limbs, but has gained a new personality - that of bad girl Dakota Moss. Her parents and the FBI think she's suffering from delusions, but if "Dakota" is just a trick of her mind, why do strange wounds keep appearing on her body? Desperate and alone, Aubrey must now unlock family secrets to unmask a mysterious killer with a deadly obsession.

My Review:

As usual, I did not catch this movie in the theaters, but I did Netflix it when it came out last Tuesday. Honestly, I really wanted to like this movie, but I just could not get into it. I thought Lindsay's acting was atrocious and I know she can act (Mean Girls, Bobby,Freaky Friday), so I was surprised by how painful it was watching her.

Lindsay as a stripper? She danced like she had taken one too many sips of NyQuil. My grandmother is more animated than Lindsay/Dakota's pole-dancing routine. And what was that corset she was wearing that had the red sequins where her nips are. If your a stripper-than show your fucking tits!!! I blame this on the writer of the film. How can you have numerous "strip" scenes and not show ta-ta's. If your main actress is against nudity-get another actress or change the damn fucking script. Dakota Moss could have been a waitress at Denny's for all I give a shit.
Another gripe I have is when Aubrey is getting her fingers sawed off- she is waaaaayyyyy to calm during the act. She moans, screeches (Lindsay could not scream to save her life) and cries. My eyes would be popping out of my skull by screaming so loud. Note to Lindsay-you should have researched the Saw and Hostel movies to know how one acts when they are getting mutilated.

The music/soundtrack-I'm not even going to touch on how inappropriate and bad it was. It sucked!

I could go on and on about how bad this movie laid out (i.e. Aubrey's boyfriend comes to visit Dakota and ends up fucking her (minus her right hand and leg) while Aubrey's mother listens downstairs to the moans and vigorously scrubs the sink????), but I don't want to take all the entertainment value away from your viewing pleasure.

How this was not direct to DVD, I just don't know. I thought this movie sucked on many levels. The big twist at the end really didn't matter, because if you had made it to the end, you really didn't give a shit what was going on.

Interesting side note-It would be really interesting to see David Lynch direct this movie and how different and better the end product would be.

Oh-one last thing. Lindsay (at times) looked really orange and it was freaky. Stop with the self-tanning!

Movie Rating: 2/5