Horror Movie Review | Rogue (2007)

Synopsis: From the director of Wolf Creek comes this terrifying look at nature's perfect killing machine. When a group of tourists stumble into the remote Australian river territory of an enormous crocodile, the deadly creature capsizes their boat - trapping them on a tiny mud island with the tide quickly rising and darkness descending. As the hungry predator closes in for the kill, they must fight for survival against all odds.

My Review: I have been anxiously awaiting for this movie for some time now. Originally it was suppose to be released in theaters way back in early 2007, but kept getting shelved for various reasons. Finally out on DVD, I was able to enjoy another creature feature... you just got to love killer animal flicks. Directed by Aussie Greg McLean, Rogue takes place in the breathtaking Australian wilds. Mclean spends a great deal of time showing the viewer the natural beauty of his homeland. The film starts off with a believable group of tourists, including travel writer, Pete (Michael Vartan), who have paid to take a tour boat cruise with tour guide (Radha Mitchell) into the waters in the Northern Territory of Australia to watch the nature of the beautiful land and the crocodiles of the rivers.
While returning back to the resort they notice a distress flare up in the sky so they travel off course into sacred waters to see if anyone needs any help. Unfortunately they encounter a rogue large-ass crocodile that is hungry and pissed off that they entered it's lair so it crashes the boat into a small mud island, stranding the tourists. Well when night falls, the tide comes in and the little mud island starts to disappear and they soon realize that they better figure a way off the island pronto. Of course dry land is some 50-100 yards away and swimming seems out of the question with a hungry crocodile lurking about.The crocodile hunts them mostly at night so we don't get to see much of the beast in action. When he does strike, he moves so fast that the camera can't keep him up with him. Rogue may be no Jaws, but it stakes its own claim as a taunt "man versus nature" film, with believable characters, tense moments, and one of the best monsters to come from Down Under.The CGI of the crocodile was amazing and looked very real (the fluid way the beast slides into the water, gliding across the surface as it propels itself to strike is a very striking image).The ending was pretty good as our wayward hero stumbles into the monster's lair and does battle as only a horror movie hero can. The crocodile tries to get his giant head into a lot of nooks and crannies and managed to score a couple of contact wounds.
Overall, I liked this film a lot and it's the best killer crocodile film I have ever seen (much better than Primeval, Blood Surf, Crocodile, and Lake Placid). Highly recommend.

Movie Rating: 4.5/5

Quote Of The Week | Hush (1998)

Hush is the tale of a young heroine made miserable by a lover's eccentric relations. Gwyneth Paltrow plays Helen, a New Yorker who marries a handsome boyfriend (Jonathon Schaech) and--following a confidence-shattering encounter with Manhattan crime--moves to his family's thoroughbred ranch. There, the young man's dominating mother, Martha (Jessica Lange) ,goes to war with new bride's claim on mama's Oedipal turf. A stock thriller ensues, and while one has a sense of dj vu about the whole thing, the film is fun for its audacity, its underpinnings of dime-store psychology, and some gothic stereotypes.

There are actually a few great quotes from the movie, so here they are:

Quotes:

1.)

Martha Baring: "Get up! You think you're an alley cat, dropping its litter by the side of the road"?

2.)

Martha Baring: "I want this lying bitch out of my house".

Helen: "There's only room for one of those".

3.)

Alice Baring: "There's something I've always wanted to tell you. You smell like horseshit".

My Review: So I finally got around to watching this movie, some 10 years later, and although not a great movie it was not that bad. I thought Jessica Lange played Martha perfectly, allowing her psychotic side to simmer just below the surface. Campy and entertaining, my only two problems with the movie is first, the ending (nobody dies a tragic gruesome death-WTF? Jessica Lange's character does not die, Gwyneth's character does not die, not even the fucking baby dies. I'm sorry but you really need some type of death at the end of these movies) and secondly, throughout the movie there would be scenes where Gwyneth was obviously wearing some cheap-ass wig. One scene, she has beautiful and natural hair, the next some ratty wig. I'm thinking she had to go back and do re-shoots but must have already cut her hair short or something. Did the director really think that the audience was not going to notice? Well worth the watch, maybe I will catch it in another 10 years or possibly next Mother's Day. NO ONE LEAVES MARTHA!

Never Back Down - Movie Poster & Trailer

It seems that the now classic, Karate Kid, has been remade in an updated version of street fighting with eye candy galore. Think Fight Club meets The O.C. The plot is simple enough: At his new high school, a rebellious teen ( Sean Faris) is lured into an underground fight club, where he finds a mentor in a mixed martial arts veteran ( Djimon Hounsou). Definitely a rental.
Check out the trailer:

"It's gotta end, with you looking like a bitch"!

Step Up 2: The Streets #2 Weekend Box Office-Fuck Yeah!

Step Up 2: The Streets raked up $19.7 million at the #2 Spot on the Weekend Box-Office! See above for fan reactions. R U Ready To STEP UP?

The Nines - Movie Review (2007)

"A troubled actor, a television show runner, and an acclaimed video game designer find their lives intertwining in mysterious and unsettling ways."

John August, perhaps most known for his screenplays of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and "Corpse Bride," delivers an intricately woven tale told in three parts. Complex at times, witty at others, the film unfolds with talented actors playing multiple roles. Think a more subdued David Lynch movie.

Hottie Ryan Reynolds tries his hand at dramatic acting, but succeeds in creating believable characters. The fantastic Melissa McCarthy, most notably of "Samantha Who?" fame, plays each of her three roles beautifully. I love this girl-her comic timing is head on-she steals this movie!

Even the soundtrack is amazing and really enhances the film.Truly, words cannot do this complex, yet enjoyable, film justice and it must be seen to be truly appreciated. I highly recommend!!

I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

There are two sides to every crime.

Synopsis:

Aubrey Fleming (Lindsay Lohan) was living the small town life, until the day she was abducted by a sadistic killer. After a frantic search, Aubrey turns up alive, but changed. She is missing limbs, but has gained a new personality - that of bad girl Dakota Moss. Her parents and the FBI think she's suffering from delusions, but if "Dakota" is just a trick of her mind, why do strange wounds keep appearing on her body? Desperate and alone, Aubrey must now unlock family secrets to unmask a mysterious killer with a deadly obsession.

My Review:

As usual, I did not catch this movie in the theaters, but I did Netflix it when it came out last Tuesday. Honestly, I really wanted to like this movie, but I just could not get into it. I thought Lindsay's acting was atrocious and I know she can act (Mean Girls, Bobby,Freaky Friday), so I was surprised by how painful it was watching her.

Lindsay as a stripper? She danced like she had taken one too many sips of NyQuil. My grandmother is more animated than Lindsay/Dakota's pole-dancing routine. And what was that corset she was wearing that had the red sequins where her nips are. If your a stripper-than show your fucking tits!!! I blame this on the writer of the film. How can you have numerous "strip" scenes and not show ta-ta's. If your main actress is against nudity-get another actress or change the damn fucking script. Dakota Moss could have been a waitress at Denny's for all I give a shit.
Another gripe I have is when Aubrey is getting her fingers sawed off- she is waaaaayyyyy to calm during the act. She moans, screeches (Lindsay could not scream to save her life) and cries. My eyes would be popping out of my skull by screaming so loud. Note to Lindsay-you should have researched the Saw and Hostel movies to know how one acts when they are getting mutilated.

The music/soundtrack-I'm not even going to touch on how inappropriate and bad it was. It sucked!

I could go on and on about how bad this movie laid out (i.e. Aubrey's boyfriend comes to visit Dakota and ends up fucking her (minus her right hand and leg) while Aubrey's mother listens downstairs to the moans and vigorously scrubs the sink????), but I don't want to take all the entertainment value away from your viewing pleasure.

How this was not direct to DVD, I just don't know. I thought this movie sucked on many levels. The big twist at the end really didn't matter, because if you had made it to the end, you really didn't give a shit what was going on.

Interesting side note-It would be really interesting to see David Lynch direct this movie and how different and better the end product would be.

Oh-one last thing. Lindsay (at times) looked really orange and it was freaky. Stop with the self-tanning!

Movie Rating: 2/5

Closure (2007)

Referred to as "Straightheads" over in the UK. The X-Files' Gillian Anderson gives an impressive performance as a woman obsessed by revenge in this sleek and chilly English thriller by documentary filmmaker Dan Reed. Anderson is top-billed as a Brit businesswoman who invites the rough-hewn tech (Danny Dyer) who's installing her security system to a business party in the country. Slow-boiling sexual tension between the two to an erotic encounter in the woods – which is soon undercut by a savage attack by a group of local hunters, who gang-rape Anderson and beat Dyer senseless. As they recover, viewers soon learn that the pair's trauma runs deeper than just the physical level – Dyer is emotionally shattered, and Anderson is gripped by a need to repay her attackers with violence more terrible than what they visited upon her. Though the plot occasionally veers into implausible territory, the couple's search for the guilty party – and the gruesome fate they have in store for them – is unnerving, and made all the more so by Anderson intense turn, which presents a torrent of conflicting emotions raging just below her cool, porcelain surface.

Anderson clearly carries this film from start to finish and her solid, emotional performance never waivers. It does not hurt that she looks incredible. Why could she not look this good for most of the X-Files? I have to say, she has enormous nipples that remind me of an air valve on an inflatable beach ball. Also watching her terminator-style performance in the woods with a rifle & scope got me jacked up. Got to love those bitches on a mission. Dyer on the other hand just seems lost. His performance is often annoying and tends to be a whimpering pussy through most of the film. The revenge attack at the end was quite surprising as I never ever thought I would see Scully raping a man with a shotgun up his arse. Good bloody times over in the UK. Overall, I enjoyed the movie, though it was a bit disturbing at times (the dog did not need to be killed)!
Movie Score: 8.5/10